Those that know me in person have likely heard my stance on children already but for those that have just stumbled onto my blog I’ll cliff notes version it for you and say; it’s complicated and it would have to be the right person for me to want them.
Today I got this email:
“Let me ask you something: Not that I wanna knock you up before our first hello, but eventually I am hoping to become a father and have a (small) family life. A family that combines travel, sports, arts and lots of love…are you gonna be wanting the same? Your profile seems vague on that.”
My profile states that I don’t have kids and I am “not sure” I want them, which I guess is “vague” but not really.
So I answer this guy back telling him that kids are a big deal. Not something you just jump into with no regard (if you can help it). I mention the rate of pregnancy complications that go up the older a person is. I also mention things like Autism and Downs Syndrome that start to hit scary high numbers the older the couple is. I talk about not wanting to be 55-60 and sending my first kid off to college. All to say I am open to the idea of kids but the older I get the more I wonder if it is in the cards for me.
I should prob. mention this guy emailing me is 43, which means almost all those things I mentioned above apply to him; but double.
He responds back:
“You crack me up in a good way….because you’re very thoughtful and analytical like me. But I think you may have me beat there…:-) How do you know you won’t meet a man and just know he’s a man you wanna create life with instantly? I have that effect on women…j/k – I’m being waaaay facetious now but I found your thought process to be pretty cute.
How long do you take to order a meal?”
I know the meal comment is likely a joke, but I have a real problem with flippant comments like that. Comparing the life changing choice of bringing another human being into the world with if I want chicken or a salad for dinner is like comparing . . . Shit I don’t know what it is comparable to as the mental leap is so huge I can’t even think of something like it. It is NOT being over analytical to put real thought into a human life. We are not talking about a gold-fish you can flush down the toilet when it gets hard, you get old/tired or want your old life back.
Umm, I think I’ll have the chicken.
For those wondering what some of the risk factor break downs actually looks like (and these are only female risk factors for this one set of defects, older men bring their own set of risks as well, plus there are lots more out there):
Mom’s Age Risk for trisomy 21 (downs) Risk for all triomies
20 1 in 1,667 1 in 526
25 1 in 1,250 1 in 476
30 1 in 952 1 in 384
35 1 in 385 1 in 192
40 1 in 106 1 in 66
45 1 in 30 1 in 21