Parents are always telling kids to “use your words”. I can’t stress enough how important this is with online dating. Yes the goal is to actually meet the person in real life, but you have to be willing to exchange a few emails and get a feel for the person before you get to the face to face step. Let me relay a recent Match.com email exchange to demonstrate what NOT to do when attempting to use the internet to find someone.
Lets call this guy “Words”.
Words: “You look like you enjoy life”
Me: “Curse (benefit) of being a happy person by nature who is also easily amused. It means I have fun with a lot of things I do. My outgoing personality helps as well as it means I am willing to act silly and not worry about what others might think.
What do you do for a living?
Did you grow up in Utah?
Signed with my name”
(notice how I asked 2 “get to know you” questions AND signed my name)
Words: “Hey. Just moved here from east coast. I work at Utah state. I’m from Miami.”
(No questions asked, only short, basic answers given, and no name mentioned. Be still my heart)
Me: “How are you liking Utah so far? Do you make the commute from Salt Lake to Logan then? That drive isn’t bad now but come winter it might get a little “fun” at times. I like Logan, but I wouldn’t want to live there. I grew up in So. Cal so I miss the beach sometimes but for the most part I love the mountains and all the other great outdoor stuff that Utah has to offer.
signs with my name”
(look more questions! Plus I threw in some more get to know me info about my self. And there is that pesky name of mine again. It is almost like magic how I did all that)
Words: “I actually live in Logan. Work at Utah St so it’s cool. Yea I’m from Miami. Love the beach but looking forward to mountain life. signs his name”
(oh look, he actually has a name. I was starting to think I was talking to a robot instead of a real person. Still no questions asked and he mentioned Miami and Utah State already so no real info learned. Also important to note that his profile says he lives in Salt Lake which is 82 miles!! south of Logan. This is kinda important to mention to potential daters)
Me: “well that is nice you don’t have a commute but sucks you live so far up north.”
(at this point I don’t want to play the ‘I put effort into an email so you can send me 8 words back’ game anymore so that is why my response is so short.)
Words: Its really not that far. I come to salt lake a lot.
(The term “A Lot” is so subjective I can glean no info from that. Does a lot mean twice a month? Once a week? More? Less?)
First off, 82 miles each way, IS that far. Far enough that any serious relationship is going to be relegated to weekends only and possibly splitting time between Logan and Salt Lake. Just like Duckguy wouldn’t drive 20 miles from Park city, I don’t want to drive 82 miles to Logan every weekend (I guess that makes me the asshole this time around). I esp. don’t want to spend any significant time in Logan during the winter. I like Logan, but in a ‘lets visit it once a year’ type of way.
Second, I would expect someone with a bachelors degree who works at a University to have a basic understanding of distance and things like that. Considering he had to take a writing classes or two of some kind to get his degree I also expect him to be able to string more than 4 sentences together. I know internet dating is scary and is way out of some people’s comfort zone but this isn’t rocket science.
So to recap, since I know my rant got a little long. When emailing someone from an online dating website:
- Tell people your name
- Ask questions about the other person and their life.
- Offer up info about your self and if possible throw some details into that info.
- Don’t lie or mislead people. (about your location, your hobbies, your marriage status, etc.)
- Don’t dismiss the lie as no big deal when you get called on it. It being a big deal or not is for the other person to decide; not you.
Maybe I should send ‘Words’ a link to this blog post just to help further his education.